Domestic Seminaries

Building the blueprint I never had, by the grace of the Father who never left.

“Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6 (HCSB)

The Order of Loves (Ordo Amoris)

The third single off of New Orleans rapper Lil Wayne’s album, The Carter IV, was titled “How to Love.” The song is a ballad dedicated to a young girl who has never experienced a healthy romantic relationship with a man. The first few lines of the chorus describe the woman's inability to discern a guy’s character, leading to bad luck, and never figuring out how to receive love properly.

One could argue that her history of poor romantic relationships stemmed from the foundation her father failed to provide. Although this song is fictional (as far as we know), it is, unfortunately, the soundtrack for the lives of many young women.

What’s worse is realizing that I also lacked the training that I so desperately needed from my father. The lack of instruction led to chaos, misery, and foolishness. Although my sinfulness would have produced similar results had I had proper training, I think a lot of the nonsense I got into would’ve been avoided at best and, at worst, restrained.

The lack of training was half of the battle; I lacked order. It took me years to discover “how to love” without knowing who to love first.

Although my father wasn’t around, and my stepfather wasn’t a godly man, in the words of Dr. Tom Ascol: “We have a book.” The word of God taught me how to love righteously and in an orderly way.

We’re living in a time where people say silly things like, “Smash the Patriarchy.” Well, I have news for them: God created the Patriarchy, and it’s here to stay.

In typical worldly fashion, the culture rejects God’s Patriarchy because it hates order. When freedom is confused with oppression, quagmires will occur. God gave us biblical Patriarchy for our good and His glory; if we continue to disregard it, human flourishing will cease.

Just as a university needs a dean to function correctly, the family needs the head of the household to lead them in a godly manner.

Aligning ourselves with God’s hierarchy is the only way to build Domestic Seminaries.

Mine is currently under construction.

Amor Dei (The Love of God)

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.”

Mark 12:30 (HCSB)

There are many flaws we could point out in men like Abraham, Noah, Moses, and David. However, there is one thing that no one could deny: these men worshipped God.

One of the most beautiful examples of the heart of worship we have is in 2 Samuel 12. After David’s sins of adultery and murder were exposed, and his sinfully conceived child died, he did the unthinkable:

“When David saw that his servants were whispering to each other, he guessed that the baby was dead. So he asked his servants, “Is the baby dead? “He is dead,” they replied. Then David got up from the ground. He washed, anointed himself, changed his clothes, went to the Lord’s house, and worshiped. Then he went home and requested something to eat. So they served him food, and he ate.”

2 Samuel 12:19-20 (HCSB)

His contrition led to worship. Honestly, worship should be our primary response to the forgiveness of sin.

But we must use David’s error as a cautionary tale. For a split second, David’s love for God became secondary to his fleshly desires. He failed to love God with his mind by forgetting God’s promises and forsaking His law, and he refused to utilize the strength the Lord gave him by staying home when he was supposed to lead his men in battle.

This is why we must have our loves appropriately ordered.

Loving God with our minds means we must delight in His Word (Psalm 1:2). Furthermore, loving God with our strength looks like giving Him our best; more Abel and less Cain.

Here’s the beauty in all of this: none of this is done in our strength. Absolute surrender to the Lord will produce the love that He requires of us.

God the Holy Spirit will help us love and honor God. Trust Him.

We find ourselves in pickles, and some even question their salvation because we’ve usurped Christ off the throne of our lives and taken His rightful place.

Newsflash: we make lousy saviors.

Amor Conjugalis (The Love of the Wife)

I cannot save anyone; I can only tell others about the One who saved me.

The second half of the Great Commandment tells us the next step in the Order of Loves:

“The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.”

Mark 12:31 (HCSB)

I was today years old when it finally dawned on me: my wife is my neighbor, too. Not only is she my neighbor, but she is the most critical neighbor I have.

How in the world could I claim to love God, but I hate my wife? I would never say, “I hate my wife,” but my behavior at times will tell a different story.

The reason for this is simple: my order of loves is out of whack.

In my former line of work, it was very common for a customer with computer issues to call us for assistance, and the first question we’d ask was: “Did you restart your machine?”

As insulting as the question may seem, it was usually the most straightforward fix. Oftentimes, we overcomplicate things, leading to more problems.

Instead of overcomplicating our lives, let’s take God at His Word.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.”

Ephesians 5:25-26 (HCSB)

The Bible is clear: husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Again, the beauty of this passage is that God equips us with the tools we need to accomplish this!

The obstacle we must overcome is actually believing AND applying His Word to our lives.

“For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:10 (HCSB)

Treasuring God’s Word means I can love Him the way He requires me to, leading to my love for Christ increasing, and for my wife as well.

Husbands, our wives are the primary beneficiaries of the love that we have for the Lord. The aroma spreads throughout the home. As a result, our wives also grow in the Lord, leading to peace and harmony.

And when trouble arises, there’s no need to be discouraged, because she and your children will follow you as you follow Christ.

Amor Prolis (The Love of Offspring)

When the first two loves are in order, the third flows naturally.

“Didn’t the one God make us with a remnant of His life-breath? And what does the One seek? A godly offspring. So watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously against the wife of your youth.”

Malachi 2:15 (HCSB)

Children are a gift from the Lord.

To love the Lord means we must be willing, like Hannah, to “lose” our child for Him.

Thankfully, there won’t be a need to drop off our soon-to-be-born son to a prophet; however, that does not mean that we just pray for our children and hope for the best. No!

God gave parents instructions.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up.”

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (HCSB)

If we claim to love our children, we must teach them how to love the God who created them.

Doing so builds the foundation necessary for them to order their loves rightly.

By God’s grace, our children will always love us, but the goal is for them to love God more than anyone or anything in this world. This can take place, but we must be like Abraham and believe God.

The meditation of God’s law daily and nightly is not a suggestion, nor should it be treated as an individual goal, but a covenantal one.

Chapter 21.6 of the Westminster Confession of Faith has this to say regarding Religious Worship and the Sabbath Day:

Neither prayer, nor any other part of religious worship, is now, under the gospel, either tied unto, or made more acceptable to, any place in which it is performed, or towards which it is directed: but God is to be worshipped everywhere in spirit and in truth; as in private families daily, and in secret each one by himself, so more solemnly in the public assemblies, which are not carelessly or willfully to be neglected or forsaken, when God, by His Word or providence, calleth thereunto.

-WCF 21.6

In other words, the construction of Domestic Seminaries begins in the home, but will take God’s covenant people to do their share, leading to fruitfulness in our homes, our churches, and the nations.

Let’s pick up our swords and trowels and build!